First Step Towards Forgiveness
by confessorlove
Summary: Spoilers for 5x08 When Neal tells Rebecca the truth about what he does for a living, things change from anger and pain to lust rather quickly. What does that mean for the two of them? Has she really forgiven him for lying so quickly? What was she thinking when he told her the truth? Not compliant with the events of 5x10.


She didn't know what was happening between them, but Rebecca didn't want to lose it. Once they figured out what the secret to the Codex was, she was worried that it would be over. It wouldn't matter anymore. Anxiously she kept her folder tight against her chest as her knuckles lightly rapped on the wooden door to his apartment. She knew that she probably shouldn't have been there, but she couldn't get him out of her head. It was better to see where this was going now before she fell too hard or too fast. The last thing she wanted was to end up nursing a broken heart. The last time that happened she'd spent a few days wallowing in self-pity before she drowned herself in work. Although she didn't want to admit the connection, losing Neal would mean losing her work as well. Then where would she be?

"Just a second," Neal's voice replied from the other side of the door whilst she anxiously bit down on her lip.

Relationships were something she had always struggled with. It was hard to find the right kind of guy and the right balance between her work and her personal life. With Neal, the lines were blurred slightly. That was something Rebecca could be grateful for at times. Especially times like this. It gave her an excuse to see him.

It took longer than she thought it would for Neal to come to the door, which left her plenty of time to wonder what he was doing. When the door finally opened she tilted her head and shyly looked up at him. There was just something about him that flustered her just as easily as it calmed her. It was rare and unexplainable, but Rebecca was glad he had that effect on her.

"Hey…Find something new?"

"Yeah," she lied as she entered his apartment.

Neal smiled in response. "Great."

Her gaze stayed on the floor until the door was shut behind her and she flicked it back up to meet his. "No." The breathy chuckle that spilled from his lips only complimented his bright smile. She could tell he wasn't upset but she felt the need to explain the situation anyway. "I was gonna lie…pretend I found something but…I just wanted to come see you. Whatever this is between us, I…I don't want it to stop."

There was a flicker of something in Neal's gaze that peeked Rebecca's curiosity but before she could fully process the thought it was gone. "I don't either," he murmured in response as their blue eyes met. She'd been so scared but it seemed there was nothing she had to worry about.

Slowly a bright smile spread on her lips. "Yeah?"

Neal nodded slightly but the soft sigh that followed worried her slightly. "But there's something you should know about me."

Her stomach twisted into a knot when the words fell from his lips but she managed to keep her composure. It couldn't be too bad. Surely her imagination was simply running away with her. That had to be it. "Okay," she replied as she took a few steps away from him and sat down on the arm of the sofa. Her folder was still clutched tightly to her chest and in some ways she was using it as a shield against whatever Neal felt he needed to tell her.

For a moment it seemed as though he was trapped in a mental battle of wills, weighing the pros and cons of telling her whatever it was he so obviously needed to. However, eventually one side won out and he picked up his pant leg. Confusion spun in her mind as her eyes went wide and her gaze fell on the black anklet on his leg. She didn't know what it was, but she knew that it wasn't good.

"I'm not an FBI agent," Neal finally said as the confusion that had threatened to consume her held tight. It was written all over her face as her gaze lifted to meet his. "I'm a criminal informant. I was convicted of bond forgery and served part of a four year sentence before I became a CI."

Nothing made sense. It had to be a joke. He couldn't be serious. She'd met his boss and been to his office. She was helping him with the Codex. That couldn't all just be a lie. How could it possibly be one? In some ways Rebecca felt as though her hope for this to continue was going up in flames with each passing second. "I…I don't understand. I've been to your office. I've been working with your boss Agent Greutzner."

"Yeah…he's not my boss," Neal explained quickly even as confusion and hurt remained clearly etched on her face. "My real boss is Peter Burke, who you met at dinner. That office was just…a setup…to get your help with the Codex."

Rebecca could barely believe what she was hearing. It was insane. Her grip on her folder slackened slightly as her hand fell open and she used it for emphasis. "You set up a fake office all so you could lie to me?" If she was being honest with herself, Rebecca had to admit his determination was admirable. Not many people would go to such lengths to make someone believe a lie. She didn't know what emotion she felt the most. It may have been anger or pain or confusion. It was hard to tell, even as she rose to her feet in order to be eye level with him once more. "Are you even researching the Codex?"

"No, I am…just not for the FBI."

It was too much for her. She couldn't take it. Her mind was still spinning and she felt so hurt. Perhaps she had let her heart get ahead of her but she had thought there was something there between her and Neal. She had wanted there to be something there. That kiss outside the church and left her stunned and breathless in a way she'd never experienced before. Letting that experience end was the last thing she wanted. With a wave of her hand and a shake of her head, Rebecca turned to start for the door. Time to think was what she needed. He had to understand that.

"Rebecca," Neal practically begged.

She reached the door and spun on her heels at the sound of his voice. Her fiery hair fanned out behind her as her hard gaze locked on his. "Why would you do this to me?" That was one question she had to have answered. She needed that answer if the hurt his words had brought her would ever stand a chance of fading away.

His head shook in a way that made her wonder if even he knew the answer to her question. "I needed your help," he explained in a tone that threatened to tug at her heartstrings. He was sorry. He wanted forgiveness that he probably knew he didn't deserve. "And I…I didn't expect this." He took a breath and met her gaze with so much sincerity that it threatened to leave her senseless. "I didn't expect…us."

She could see it on his face. He wasn't lying to her. He meant every word he said. She wanted to believe him. The sincerity there was enough to steal her breath and make her question if she should give him a second chance. Part of her wanted to. For a moment it had seemed as though he would reach out and touch her. Rebecca found herself wishing that he would. She couldn't completely forgive him, at least not yet. However, she wanted to give him a chance. Maybe if he hadn't lied to her they wouldn't have been standing there looking into each other's eyes. Maybe if he hadn't tricked her she wouldn't have begun to feel the way she did about him. The thought of never knowing these feelings was scary. It was almost as scary as believing he could have lied to her, but she saw it in his face that he was sorry. This is who he truly was and he cared. Their relationship started on lies but he didn't want it to continue that way.

Watery blue eyes stayed locked on his as she processed all this information. There was too much to compute but there was one thing she thought she was certain of; Neal was genuinely upset about what was happening between them. It was a hopeful sign, or at least Rebecca hoped it was. When she finally found her voice it was practically a whisper. "Is there anything else I should know?"

He shook his head slightly and Rebecca realized that she was right. He was a good man despite the fact that he lied to her. He was still the man who flirted with her and kissed her outside that church even if he wasn't an agent. Maybe he'd been thrown in prison instead of having been the one doing the throwing, but he deserved a second chance. If he blew it this time it would be the end, but she'd never been a fan of holding grudges. Slowly she turned away from him towards the door but instead of the door knob, her fingers found the lock. Rebecca didn't know what possessed her to turn the lock and allow the tumblers to slide into place, but she did it anyway.

A moment later her gaze returned to his and confusion was clear all over his face. Rebecca's lips formed into the beginnings of a tight lipped smirk and the moment he noticed, he closed the distance between them. Her back was against the door before she could blink as his mouth descended upon hers. It was heat and passion unleashed. His mouth was warm on hers and she could taste a bit of wine on his lips as her fingers found purchase in his dark hair.

The kiss was hungry, passionate, and she couldn't get enough. Her hands moved from his hair down his neck and arms as his tugged at her blouse. It was pure need that drove them forward. Lies may have been the foundation but they both knew that whatever was going on between them was something else entirely. Rebecca's folder dropped from her arms and her purse fell from her shoulder to clatter on the hardwood floor, but neither of them seemed to notice. Neal's tongue parted her lips and she eagerly kissed him back. She'd thought about this before. The situation was always different but she couldn't deny imagining what it would be like for passion of this sort to consume them.

Quickly her hands dropped to tug on his shirt but the moment he broke the kiss to work free her buttons, Rebecca grabbed his face and caught him in another searing kiss. Neal's hands tugged at her blouse and she was certain it would be missing at least one button come morning, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. Perhaps she couldn't completely forgive him for what he had done but she wanted to forget. Her tongue explored the hot cavern of his mouth for a moment before the kiss was broken with a breathless gasp. They pulled apart and struggled with their clothing. Rebecca's wrist got caught in her blouse as she struggled to pull her arms free but eventually she was able to toss the offending garment aside. Neal pulled his shirt over his head which allowed her a view of his chest that she couldn't have even imagined.

In their haste her glasses had come off and the picture wasn't as clear as she would have liked, but she didn't care. His arms were around her before she could blink and their mouths were once again connected. Hot tongues slid together as teeth clashed and her fingertips dug into the flesh of his neck and shoulder. Their bodies fit together and she could practically feel the racing of his heart beneath her hands. She shivered with delight as Neal's hand slid up her spine until his fingers tangled in her hair and held her face between her hands.

Together they moved away from the door as his hands shifted once more. His slid down her back towards the clasp of her bra while hers traversed his muscular form. She couldn't stop touching him. Her lips moved against his as their tongues slid together. They could easily have consumed each other as they blindly made their way back towards his bed. Somehow along the way Rebecca stepped out of her simple flats and Neal's fingers unhooked her bra in one swift motion.

By the time they reached the bed she was breathless and her mind was spinning with need. Rebecca's legs bumped against the bed and she broke the kiss with a gasp as her hands fell from his hair to allow her now unhooked bra to fall from her body. Neal's eyes raked over her form for a moment in a way that sent searing heat straight to her core before his mouth descended on her neck. A moan spilled from her lips as she tilted her neck and gripped his shoulders for stability. Neal made it so easy for her to lose herself in the moment and she never wanted it to end. It was hot, lustful passion that she didn't think she'd ever experienced quite like this before.

His lips trailed down her neck and across her collarbone as her hands dropped to his waist to unbutton his pants. Need and lust controlled her. Instinct guided her as she arched against him. His mouth seared her skin each time he left a wet kiss on her bare flesh. Each touch only served to heat her blood further. It was practically unbearable. The raging inferno inside her was threatening to consume her very soul.

"Neal," she moaned breathlessly as his hand cupped her breast. His thumb lightly circled her nipple which caused her to arch slightly into him.

She could feel him smirk against her skin but he said nothing. Instead his free hand encircled her waist and tugged her flush against him. A slightly surprised squeak spilled from her lips as she felt his hardness pressed against her. She needed him as much as he needed her and that thought sent a flood of arousal burning through her veins.

Neal's slipped fingers quickly pulled the zipper on Rebecca's skirt down which allowed the material to pool around her feet. Before she realized what was happening, he was lifting her into his arms and laying her back against the bed. The sheets were cool against her overheated skin and she was glad for that balance. It kept her grounded in reality even as her mind was floating away on a cloud of pleasure.

Her eyes opened and she gazed up at him. Despite her eyesight being poor without her glasses, she could see enough. Her tongue peeked out to wet her lips as Neal stepped out of his pants. The sight of him there just hungrily watching her, trailing his gaze over her freckled skin, made her weak with desire.

She reached up and Neal interlaced his fingers with hers. "You are so beautiful," he murmured in that sweet tone of his which reassured her of his sincerity. Honesty might be difficult for him but at least she knew he was sincere. That was a step in the right direction.

A light flush tinted her cheeks as she smirked up at him. "You're not so bad looking yourself."

He climbed into bed with her and it dipped beneath his weight. Rebecca shifted up towards the head of the bed and licked her hips as his hands trailed lightly along her thighs. There was something in his eyes that she couldn't put her finger on so she ignored it. It wasn't important right now. Each time he touched her she felt as though she was on fire. It would be so easy for her to take control to quench her desire.

As his hands slowly slid higher and higher up her legs before shifting to her torso, Rebecca smirked. "You know...if you took a picture it'd last longer."

The laugh that spilled from Neal's lips surprised her but he suddenly leaned down and caught her lips in a searing kiss. One of his hands rested on her breast as the other skimmed along her ribs and down her side until his fingers danced along the waistband of her panties. He broke the kiss just enough so their lips were barely brushing as his eyes found hers. "Where is the fun in that?" His whisper was barely audible and he lightly nipped her lower lip. "I'd rather etch every inch of you into my memory."

A cheeky remark formed on Rebecca's lips but it died the moment his fingers slipped inside her panties. Instead a groan tore from her lips as his fingers slid through her slick folds. Her back arched slightly up from the bed and her fingers twisted in the sheets beneath her. Her blue eyes sought out his but it didn't take long before they were closing once more. His fingers slid through her folds and caused moans of pleasure to fall from her lips. When the warmth of Neal's mouth encircled her nipple, Rebecca couldn't keep quiet. "Fuck," she groaned as his tongue flicked against her nipple and his finger slipped inside her.

Neal's mouth released her breast with a wet pop as he grinned at her cheekily. "I'm getting to it. Be patient, Rebecca."

A semblance of a glare formed on her face but Neal seemed not to notice. Instead he dropped his head and began leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down her chest and abdomen. Each kiss made her blood heat and hips instinctively spread as his finger pumped inside her. However, when he reached the edge of her panties he extracted his hand from between her thighs. A whimper of protest formed on her lips and he clicked his tongue against the backs of his teeth in response. "Neal…"

"Shh," he cooed as his fingers hooked in her panties and he tugged them down her long legs before he tossed them to the side. A smirk grew on his face as he lightly ran the tip of his finger through her folds.

Part of her longed to flip them over, tug his boxers off, and have her way with him, but an even larger part of her was curious as to what he would do next. She could be patient. They had all night to explore each other's bodies and she hoped they would make use of that time. A shiver ran up her spine as she arched slightly, causing her legs to spread farther apart. Her eyes closed from the pleasure of it and she expected to see him smirking down at her when she opened them. What she didn't expect was to feel his warm breath against the inside of her thigh.

Her voice was a breathless moan when she managed to find it. "Neal?"

Silence was her response. He said nothing and instead lowered his mouth to her warmth. She gasped in unexpected pleasure when he did so and instinctively arched up towards him. Delicate fingers found purchase in dark hair as Neal's tongue slid through her folds and circled her clit. Each move made her groan as his fingers moved to join his mouth. "Oh fuck," she cursed as he lightly teased her as he slipped two fingers inside her sheath. He smirked against her in response, but it escaped Rebecca's notice. Instead she merely writhed and moaned beneath him as his lips and tongue worked to push her towards higher pleasure. This was the farthest thing from her mind when she knocked on his front door, but she was not about to complain.

Each flick of his tongue and pump of his fingers sent her higher. Her back arched and head tipped back whist she twisted the sheets in her grip. It was too easy to lose control. Although he was still learning her body's unique weaknesses, it seemed as though Neal was a fast learner. She had no doubt that if things continued there would be a time in the not so distant future when he would know the secrets to her body better than even she did.

Her heart was racing and breathing came in pants with each shiver of pleasure that raced up her spine. It was difficult, so difficult, to keep her thoughts forming. Letting go would have been so much simpler. Neal pressed a sucking kiss to her clit and she gasped. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she groaned as she arched up from the bed, tightened her grip on his hair, and bucked her hips into his mouth. Once she reached a certain point, Rebecca could no longer contain herself. Silence was not something she handled well.

Moans and gasps continued to spill from her lips as she writhed beneath him and pushed her closer and closer to pleasure. Any thoughts she originally had about taking control were lost now. She was too far gone to the pleasure his mouth had the capability of providing. "Neal," she whimpered as her body trembled on the brink of release. Pleasure was so close that she could almost taste it. Her fingers tightened in her hair as her whole body tensed beneath him like a tightly wound spring ready to be sprung.

"Oh fucking….Neal," she gasped out breathlessly as her body tensed and orgasm crashed through her like the waves upon the shore. Beneath him her whole body trembled and tensed as she arched. Breathless whimpers of his name fell from her lips continually as her core clenched around his fingers and her limbs limply shook in immediate aftermath.

Neal pulled back from her and looked down grinning. He licked her essence from his fingers before he leaned in to kiss her. Rebecca was lulled into a state of peace and contentment so when his lips found hers the kiss was lazy. She tasted herself on his tongue and her fingers lightly gripped his hair, but while still awash with pleasure she barely felt like moving. She felt too warm and content, but at the same time she knew it was her chance. She knew that now she could show Neal that she was not as passive as she seemed.

He moved off her to slip off his boxers and roll on a condom while her plan quickly formed. It would be easy. She knew that. Lying against the pillows, Rebecca watched him and smirked when the weight of the bed shifted once more with his return. It hadn't taken him long at all yet somehow that wasn't surprising. He seemed like the real Casanova type and so far he'd lived up to that. When Neal settled between her legs she gazed up at him and smirked. However, before he could move she used leverage to flip them over.

The chuckle that spilled from Neal's lips was music to her ears. "If you wanted to be on top you could have just asked," he commented with a grin before she silenced him with a kiss. Rebecca bent low to kiss him, allowing her breasts to nearly brush his chest while she straddled him. Loosely their fingers interlocked as she lowered herself onto him. As he filled her, Rebecca broke the kiss with a gasp and pressed her free hand flat against his chest. Things had come too far and felt too good. The last thing she could do was turn back now. A groan spilled from Neal's lips and she lightly dug her fingernails into his chest which brought a smirk to his lips. She could see it on his face that this was not what he expected when he got her in bed, but she could be full of surprises. That was simply a fact of life he would have to get used to.

Slowly her hips began to rock against his which caused groans to spill from both of their lips. Rebecca couldn't see as well as she would have liked, but she could still tell his expression had contorted into a look of pure pleasure.

Her pace slowly increased as she rode him and his hand slid up her thigh and along her ribs before it found her breast. In his hands the soft flesh was gripped and squeezed as she sucked along his neck. Heat between them was building and they both knew it. The longer this went on the sooner it would end. As if needed to touch her, Neal's hand disengaged from hers to skate along her back and grip her thigh. He bucked up into her to match her pace eagerly, which only served to encourage her.

It was pure pleasure. Nothing that happened before mattered here. It didn't matter what they were. All that mattered was who they were and where they were. They were there together. They were locked in a passionate embrace. At the end of the day that was all that truly mattered. "Rebecca," she heard him moan as her lips ghosted along the shell of his ear and her hips steadily increased their rhythm against his. He leaned up towards her and held her as her arm circled around his back. Together like this nothing else in the world mattered. It was just the two of them and everything else could fade away for a short time.

Rebecca could have sworn she heard his heartbeat and ragged breathing as their pleasures increased. His hand slipped between them to rub at her core and she groaned in response. Lightly she dug her nails into his shoulder as they moved together. It was heat and lust like nothing she had experienced in a long while. It was infectious and addicting. Rebecca closed her eyes and lost herself to the movement of their bodies together and the feel of his arm wrapped around hers.

Perhaps she was too caught up to notice the shift in Neal's behavior but before she knew it, he was rolling them back over. One again she was pinned beneath him only this time it was different. Her nails raked across his back as she arched and he thrusted faster. Her leg was draped over his shoulder and the change of angle caused Rebecca to cry out in pleasure. "God," she whimpered as she gripped his shoulders and arched beneath him. It didn't matter that he's stripped her control away. She didn't care anymore. It was hard to care about anything save how he was making her feel.

It did not take long before pleasure washed over them in a way that left Rebecca feeling limp and breathless. She trembled beneath him as he thrust deep inside her to reach his pleasure. Rebecca's shaking limbs rested limply on the bed as her eyes closed and breathing struggled to return to normal. Her leg fell down from Neal's shoulder as he caught his breath after his release. Neither one of them said anything as they basked in the afterglow of their pleasure. Eventually Neal shifted off her and disposed of the condom before he lay back on the bed beside her.

For a long while they were both silent. The only sound to be heard was that of their own breathing and racing hearts; however, Neal eventually broke the silence as he pulled Rebecca into his arms. "So," he murmured as he twisted a lock of her ginger hair around his finger. "Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

She didn't know how long they had laid there without speaking but she turned towards him then and a slow smile spread on her lips. Forgiveness was a difficult thing. It was complicated just like this entire situation. She still had questions that could wait till the morning, but it was far too soon to make any sort of judgments. Her eyes met his briefly before she snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. "Not really." Instinctively Neal's arms tightened around her slender frame. She saw the beginnings of a frown forming on his lips and rushed to continue. "You're on probation," Rebecca explained. "This is your second chance with me. Don't blow it."

The relief on his face was obvious, even without her glasses she could see it. His hand game up and cupped the side of her face before he kissed her, slowly and sweetly. Rebecca couldn't help but smile into the kiss. There was something about him that was different. She liked that, even despite the situation they had found themselves stuck in. Rebecca's body curled against his as he wrapped his arms around her to hold her close. She felt warm and content there in his embrace. It was a good feeling. Deep down Rebecca couldn't help but wonder if happiness couldn't be far behind.


End file.
